The emasculation of American conservatives
The emasculation of American conservatives
Conservatives are obsessed with masculinity. They claim ‘woke’ liberals have raised a generation of effete, testosterone-free males. And that girlie men will populate a future America. Tucker Carlson was so worried about this that he produced a documentary “The End of Men” celebrating masculinity. The trailer features well-oiled, muscular, shirtless men doing manly things like flipping tires, milking cows, axing stuff, wrestling, and testicle tanning. In Carlson’s imagination, this is the acme of heterosexual virility. The gay community has a different take,
I will not speculate on Carlson’s fantasy life. But if ripped abs and a chiseled chin is the sine qua non of Carlson’s masculine ideal, he himself has missed the boat. He may have shed the bowtie. But his weak jaw, general doughiness, and lack of muscle mass scream ‘waterboy’.
It is not the first time that fascists have promoted an ideal of masculinity (and femininity). The Nazis idealized the perfect Aryan — tall, muscular, and blond. An ideal unrealized by many in Nazi party leadership.
Josh Hawley is also committed to the preservation of American masculinity. Last October, he told the National Conservatism Conference,
“The left wants to define traditional masculinity as toxic. They want to define the traditional masculine virtues, things like courage and independence and assertiveness, as a danger to society.”
Leaving aside that on 1/6 he fled like a coward from the Capitol mob, can he name a member of the left that thinks ‘courage’ and ‘independence’ are bad things? ‘Assertiveness’ is a charged word. In business, the military, sports, et al. it is an admired quality. But it is a short slide from assertiveness to toxic masculinity — demeaning women and excusing sexual abuse.
And we should note that courage, independence, and assertiveness are equally valuable qualities in women. Although I guarantee Hawley and Carlson are terrified by women expressing those virtues. Strong men like strong women. Weak men want to put them in a box.
The House Freedom Caucus has lept onto the one-dimensional masculinity bandwagon. Faced with “The Respect For Marriage Act” they played the “traditional” card,
“The radical left has launched an all-out campaign on America’s traditional values and sacred institutions. It has weakened the nuclear family, attacked the norms of masculinity and feminity, and now it wants to further erode the sacred institution of marriage.”
There are many different kinds of marriages. In each happy marriage, the two partners come to a mutually agreeable modus vivendi. Take money. The most financially successful unions are those in which the partner with the better talent for managing it, takes care of it. Or cooking. Let the partner who wants to do it, do it. Or share the responsibility. Or divvy it up however they want. The same goes for reading to the kids or helping with homework. I have no idea why these tasks should be the de facto responsibility of one partner simply because of their gender.
Failed marriages, on the other hand, have many causes, but one must be that the couple adopts the religious/traditionally prescribed roles. And one of those partners, therefore, gets the short end of the stick. And yes, that is usually the woman. That does not matter to these antediluvian misogynists. Masculine values are synonymous with throwing dirty laundry on the floor and leaving the seat up. Because “consideration” never makes their cut.
And nothing erodes the ‘sacred institution of marriage’ more than divorce — which often springs from abuse or adultery — where is the concern about those? As for marriage being a sacred institution, I know many married people. I am one myself. I do not know how many would describe their marriages, no matter how harmonious and mutually beneficial, as “sacred”.
Back to the masculine ideal. Is it really muscular guys who can flip tires shirtless? I suppose it would have been an asset when physical strength had much to do with the family/clan/tribe’s survival. But since then, society’s development has relied on brains rather than brawn.
Engineers, scientists, architects, and techies have built our infrastructure. Artists, philosophers, actors, authors, and chefs enrich our lives. Teachers pass on knowledge. Doctors maintain our health. First responders protect our lives and property (I will grant you that firefighters do need physical prowess. But cops do not — check out the donut bodies)
And talking about weak men, consider there is no one more lacking in virtues, both masculine and general, than the current leader of these chinless wonders. Trump himself celebrates whining. As he told Chris Cuomo in 2015, “I am the most fabulous whiner.” Rich Lowery, in a column for National Review, wrote,
"By Trump's own account, he’s the baddest, smartest thing going, except if you ask him a challenging question, in which case he kicks and screams and demands to know how anyone could treat him so unfairly,"
Bitching and moaning have worked for him. But they are not traditional masculine virtues. They are toddler values. And they are unsustainable. And as far as marriage goes, Trump is an exemplar of all that is bad — marital rape, adultery, indifference to the children, except for pawing his daughter from her teen years on.
The rest of the GOP is no better. Barring some notable exceptions, e.g. Liz Cheney and Adam Kittzinger, they have prostrated themselves before this flabby whiner. Take Kevin McCarthy. He begged Trump to do something on 1/6. He demanded he resigns right afterward. But by 1/27, he was in Mar-a-Lago kissing the ring. What manly virtue is that?
In March 2016, Trump dragged Heidi Cruz through the mud. Ted Cruz reacted as a husband ought to.
“I don't get angry often. But you mess with my kids, you mess with my wife, Donald, you’re a sniveling coward, and leave Heidi the hell alone!. Let me be absolutely clear our spouses and our children are off bounds. It is not acceptable for a big loud New York bully to attack my wife.”
It did not last long. By October, he was publicly working the phones for the NY bully. He might as well have been licking his boots.
Other erstwhile competitors were soon on their knees. Lindsey Graham became Trump’s caddy and golf propagandist. And Marco Rubio sank back obligingly into his Bible-strewn Florida swamp.
And the Republican candidate for the US Senate seat in Ohio, JD Vance, went from telling Charlie Rose in 2016, “I’m a Never Trump guy. I never liked him.” And “my god what an idiot.” - to visiting Mar a Lago, cap in hand, in April 2021. It worked. Trump endorsed this craven weakling, even though he had trouble remembering his name.
Last September, Vance cemented his misogynist cred by saying that women should stay in violent marriages because now people “shift spouses like they change their underwear.” And that divorce had done long-term damage to a generation of children. It takes a man with no redeeming qualities to suggest that children benefit from seeing their mothers battered. And to compare divorce to dirty laundry.
There is no more point in asking a conservative man what qualities make for a good man than asking a conservative evangelical what qualities make for a good Christian.